SMILES AS YOU SERVE
Compiled by Tim Wesemann
As Easter grows closer, I pray you have a blessed journey to the life-giving cross of Christ and then rejoice with the resurrection news, “He is risen!” Though these tidbits sound quite insignificant next to that news, I hope they will bring smiles to your face as you find joy in serving the One who came to serve.
Parenting Is Tough
An exhausted mother shared with a fellow mom as they sat on the playground bench, “I finally got some me time away from the kids. Two hours! It would have been more, but my legs went numb crouching behind the dryer.”
Playing with Words at Recess
- I knew a man who collected candy canes. They were all in mint condition.
- I just bought a thesaurus at the store. When I got home, I opened it and discovered there were no words in it - all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
- I did find a new type of pastry that comes with a thesaurus - synonymn rolls.
- Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a no-bell prize.
- I thought I’d win the office contest for best neckwear, but it was a tie.
- Whenever I’m washing my hands next to someone, I cup them under the tap until the water overflows. Then I turn to my neighbor and I say dramatically, “This water is getting out of hand.”
- I opened a store that sells vintage LPs. I’m confident I’ll have record sales every year.
- I’d like my tombstone to include this message: “Not appreciating my puns when I was alive was a grave mistake.”
April Showers Bring Standing Water
After a recent rainstorm, local roads in the low part of town seemed to disappear under an imposing amount of standing water. A man driving his car was forced to stop. He noticed a farmer in a field not far from the road. He yelled out his window, “Excuse me, sir! Do you think it’s safe to cross here?”
The man answered, “The last family I saw didn’t have a problem, so I guess it’s safe.”
Pulling ahead, the man’s car was immediately swallowed by the water. With half of his car underwater the man yelled, “I thought you said I could safely drive through this water!”
“That’s odd!” he relied, scratching his head. “The water only came up chest high on the family of ducks that just crossed.”
A police officer had spent a good amount of time watching for speeders from his car parked on the side of the road. As a car sped past, the police officer turned on the flashing lights and chased after the car until its driver pulled the vehicle onto the shoulder. The officer approached the car. As he got to the window, he told the young driver, “I’ve been waiting for you for the last hour.”
The officer smiled and let him go without a ticket when the boy, without skipping a beat, responded, “Well, I got here as fast as I could!”